Lola shares that our family agreements are influencing our money narrative and that learning to say “No”, makes room for a more powerful “Yes!” Catch this in yesterday’s talk titled “From Congestion to Creation”, from our May Series, “GIVE IT AWAY NOW.”
This “talk” is electronically transcribed. Please excuse any errors or omissions.
Lola: All right. So that – that’s the real deal. Your money and your mom are locked up. Because your money lives in your creative sexual center.
Audience: Yes. Yes it does.
Lola: By the way I said this last week, don’t think because you have money you’re not trapped. See, freedom has nothing to do with how much money you have. It has to do with your relationship with your money. So are you tight? Are you congested? Are you clogged? Or are you flowing? Are you free? You might look at your sexual energy at the same time. Is it clogged? Is it tight? Is it gripping? Is it locked up? Relax.
Lola: You know, I have had four kids, maybe you’re familiar with this thing called Kegel exercises. That’s what they tell people who’ve had children. After you have a child do your Kegel exercises. It’s a contraction and a release. A contraction… By the way, male-bodied people can do Kegels also. Contraction, release. Contraction, release. Contraction, release. If you’ve forgotten to release now would be the time. All right?
Lola: So last week, we talked about this idea of circulation, be willing to give up the good to receive the greater good. And I’ve really been sitting with this, “What am I holding on to? Or what am I participating in, in any kind of scarcity mindset.”
Lola: I want to you to begin to look at the things that you say yes to in your life, because you think it might be the last opportunity or the best opportunity. Or if you turn this down, what could you be missing? It’s so funny. This woman Marie Kondo. You know her? I mean, if you don’t know her I don’t know where you’re living, because everybody I know is talking about Marie Kondo in their life. It is so funny to watch a culture go from the accumulation of so much stuff as a way of feeling good to now getting rid of so much stuff as a way of feeling good. There’s a beautiful practice in that though, to actually begin to develop some discernment around why do I have what I have? Why do I do what I do? Why do I say yes to what I say yes to what I say yes to?
Lola: So I want to introduce you to something that we’ve talked about a little bit here. And it’s called the Whole Body Yes. It’s really about tuning in to the center of your being, to your creative center, and listening from a place of curiosity and openness, and paying attention to your physiology, to your biology, and noticing when your energy goes up, when it goes down, and when it stays the same. How many times do you override your yes or your no?
Lola: See, I think it’s really appropriate given that it is Mother’s Day to talk about the world of obligation. Because I think mothers have a very strong muscle in obligation. And I don’t think it actually serves us. So there’s this idea of a vicious cycle that I learned from one of my mentors, Jim Dethmer. Obligation leads to resentment, which then leads to entitlement. So when I move on the planet out of obligation, “I have to”… Then I start to feel resentful towards the thing that “I have to” for. And then when I start to feel resentful, I get to do whatever the flip I want, when I want, because I’m pissed. It can happen in real subtle ways. One of my favorite models of this is, my boss gave me a job, a particular project. I did not want this project. I’m salty about this project. This project should have been given to fill in the blank. But for some reason, they gave it to me. And I have to do it, because they’re my boss. I’m pissed about that. I hate that I have to be here late tonight. I hate that I have to sit here when I could be at home watching my favorite show.
Lola: You know what? I’m going to take that box of paper clips, I don’t want to stop at Walgreens. That’s how it shows up. Obligation leads to resentment, leads to entitlement. So the question is, where are you operating out of obligation? We’ve talked about this before. My experience as a mother, I do lots of things that on some level I don’t want to do, but I have really come to realize that there’s discernment between when I’m obligated and when I have a higher commitment. So when I change a child’s diaper, I’m not enthusiastic necessarily about changing that diaper, but I have a commitment to their well-being. So, I just, you know… I want to create some discernment there.
Lola: My experience is that when I have oriented my life around “have to” or “should”, I create lots of blocks. I’m not actually very open or receptive. And so oftentimes I will say “yes” to things. I’m notorious for over scheduling myself. Fill it up, fill it up, fill it up, fill it up. What’s the fear that’s going on there? I don’t know what it is for you. But when I’m really honest with myself, the fundamental fear is there’s not enough. So I have to take more and more and more and more and more because I’m afraid. We’re talking like at micro levels of existence. So when I do things out of obligation, I become resentful and then I become entitled.
Lola: Oftentimes, we’ll say here when we ask you to be generous with your money, if you’re giving out of a place of obligation, we’d actually rather you not give it all. Because it’s like dirty money. Does that make sense?
Audience: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Lola: I want a clean exchange of energy in my relationships. I want a clean exchange of energy in my relationships.
Lola: So, there is this word that I’ve been playing with, congestion. And I wonder if you could just close your eyes for a moment and do a little inventory of your life. Perhaps place your attention on your relationships and notice where congestion lives. Where is there clogging in your relationships? Take a deep breath. Place your awareness on your work, your career. Where does congestion live? Where are you operating out of obligation? What are you doing in your career or in your work life, that you notice your energy goes down when you think of it? Bring your awareness to your physical body, the condition of your physical body, and just see if there is any clogged energy there. If there’s any part of your physicality that feels congested. The energy is not flowing freely. Take a look at your world of recreation, your place of play. Is it open? Is it free? Is it fluid? Is it tight? Is it gripped? Just notice.
Lola: And finally, take a look at your spiritual life. This is the place and space that you begin to know yourself as more than this body. Look at your spiritual life as the mystical realm of reality. How accessible or available is that for you? Is it congested? Take a deep breath and open your eyes. So the idea is just to get information to free yourself of any tendency to judge it, but just to notice, “Where am I feeling constriction? Where am I feeling gripping?” This idea of congestion, its counterpart, or its polarity would be creation. When you play with the word creation, my guess is when you actually play with it in your mouth, and you hear it come out of you, your energy goes up. The vibration of creation is expansive. So where am I putting congestion over creation? I want to walk on the planet in a field of creation. July 31st, “Ooh, what do we get to create?” Overdrawn bank account? “Ooh, what do we get to create?”
Audience: Yes, yes.
Lola: Stood up by a date? “I wonder who else is waiting?” It’s a different disposition and it’s always available for you. It’s always accessible. There’s this really powerful book, which I’ve referenced before it’s titled Living in the Flow by Eric Butterworth. And he says, “If you’re worried about the money you have, or don’t have, you are out of the flow.” And I like playing with that, if you are worried, you are out of the flow. You could fill it in with anything. If you are worried about, fill in the blank, you are out of the flow. It’s not a problem it happens. But this practice, this philosophy, this community is in service of awareness. The ability to witness where I am. Am I in a place of openness and curiosity or am I in a place of closed and defensiveness. So if I am worrying, I am probably in a state that is closed and defensive.
Lola: Creation is not available when I am closed and defensive. Oftentimes, it can be a sort of automatic fear-based response when we’re in struggle. So you start to clench down. That’s your biology. What we’re asking humanity at this time and space is to actually bust through your biology into a new realm of consciousness. So if you notice the one in you that’s gripping, constricted, contracted, congested, what can I do?
Lola: … Take a deep breath. I oftentimes say like my greatest spiritual practice is breathing. And my experience is that most of us don’t do it enough. Just breathe. Do you know that there’s more than enough money? What’s cool is like, I couldn’t have even done this conversation probably a year ago because I was like, “Are you sure? Are you sure?” I mean, I got it cognitively and intellectually, but really something has shifted in me, and I’m like, “Oh.” See, we actually tweaked the lyrics of that tune a little bit. Because that tune actually says, “Money is the root of all evil.” But that’s such a big misnomer. The actual scriptural reference is, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”
Lola: And just to go more deeply in that, it’s not… Again, money is nothing in and of itself. It’s just energy in motion. We’ve assigned it some value and it’s a tool that we use to exchange things. Imagine that you can fall madly in love with the exchange of energy. Such that moving your energy was a joyous creation. Such that moving your money was a joyous creation. If there’s anywhere in your life, that moving your money gets you all balled up, you must bring into your practice.
Lola: I spent years praying for a shift in consciousness within my own being around the IRS. Seriously, I still owe them a lot of money. It comes out every single month. And what I say now is like, “Well, we made a lot of money. Why we mad? We made a lot of money. Okay, great. We owe them more.” We had to get our ducks in a row. Now we anticipate those situations.
Lola: I spent a lot of years navigating my disease around Bank of America. All my judgments. Bank of America is no thing in and of itself. The IRS is no thing in and of itself. It is whatever you map on to it. So, wherever we are balled up in our money… I do love having the money conversation in classes here, because you see all the… the people have around church. It’s very serious. They’re going to get you. Wow, that’s a lot of energy. You know, no one can get you. No one can get you. If you want to give here, plucked from a place of openness and curiosity and generosity, because you know that being someone on the planet that supports a body of work, that’s devoted to the expansion of love on the planet. Let yourself be lifted by that. Don’t have that, be happy. If it’s happy for you, don’t give your money somewhere that brings you joy.
Lola: Giving your money should be an act of grace, an act of generosity, an act of freedom. Every time you circulate your good, you could be blessing it. I don’t care if it’s $9 and 78 cents for your macchiato because you all spend a lot of money on your coffee. I make mine but, I’m just saying. But when you move your money bless it. It is the nature of the universe in creativity, it’s creation that is activated through you. If you are worried about your money, you’re out of the flow, whether you have it or not.
Lola: Just by show of hands, for those that are willing to be honest, who gets a little balled up about money? Just every once in a while. Just everyone in a while. Yeah. So it is a valuable conversation. And for those of you, as I said last week, who don’t get balled up about money, or at least weren’t willing to admit you get balled up about money, you are holding space for the vast majority of human beings in this room and online, who do get balled up about money. So you can be here like a Bodie sidebar and hold the space for a shift in consciousness because this is a collective agreement.
Lola: See, your mother energy, your family agreements are influencing your money narrative. Whatever the agreements were in your family… Really tune into whoever served as your parental field, what were their agreements around money? If you don’t know, that’s a great place to start.
Lola: I have a very distinct memory of my dad. I used to have lots of long curly hair. And this was when… Do you remember Aussie Shampoo and Conditioner?
Lola: It was very fancy back in the day. I remember it was like… I don’t know if actually it was from Australia, but it was like that was the story it was from Australia. At least that’s what I thought. And I remember him coming out of the shower one day, and was like, “Where’s the conditioner?” I was like, “Why use the conditioner?” “Well, I mean, how much conditioner do you need?” I’m like, “Well, you balding man, and I are very different. So I need a lot.” But there was something when I’ve done money meditations that memory comes back. Because I was little. I think I was maybe like nine, and I could feel the tension that lived in him around enoughness and I absorbed it.
Lola: So there’s some kind of money narrative that predates your existence, that’s living in your collective field of awareness. And my experience is that if you’re not in active practice of dismantling it, it’s running you. And if you want greater freedom in your money, that’s a great place to start.
Lola: Now, if you have a lot of money, but you’re not in… Let me just say, whether you have a lot of money, or you don’t have a lot of money, if you don’t have a conscious practice of circulating it, I mean, like a reverential practice of circulating it, you’re in an unconscious relationship with money in my opinion. Just one girl’s opinion.
Lola: I talked about this last week. I love taking my first lot of money and circulating it before I pay any of my bills. And I do that with people that inspire me. I do that with places that inspire me. I do that with bodies of work that inspire me. Because it causes me to pause and go, “What am I saying really matters?” I spent most of my life being pulled by external circumstances, being pulled by my bills. Adventure to say that you are in this plane of existence for a higher idea than to have a job you hate and to pay bills you resent.
Lola: I imagine there’s something greater for you in this plane of existence. Would you be willing to consider that money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money is the root of all evil. The lusting for more, more, more, more. Have all the money you want. Why not? Be wildly successful. Why not? And how can I be in conscious relationship with it? How can I make a difference with the lot of energy that comes through me?
Lola: So I want to talk about this concept, via negativa. It is otherwise known as the way of the no. To find the will of God, the highest pursuit of monks and mystics, one had to say no to anything that could compete with the still small voice. So to be in a practice of no, such that when you say yes, it matters. If you’re saying yes to everything unconsciously, which I’ve great capacity to do, there’s something else that’s not getting amplified with the kind of life force energy that it could be amplified with. So my practice right now is to say no. “No, I’m not available for lunch. No, I’m not available for coffee. No, I’m not available for the podcast.” Now, if you have a really good opportunity, don’t don’t hesitate to ask. Because I still want to be able to discern if I say yes or no. But do you understand what I’m saying?
Lola: To hear the still small voice of the infinite presence of all that is nearer than your breath or vaster than your being, requires your willingness to cross out some things in your life. You have enough to do all that you desire. You have all that you need to move forward on the things that matter most to you. And it may mean you have to say no to some things. It may mean that for now, you have to say no to going out four or five, six nights of the week. It may mean that you have to say no to that second, third, fourth drink. It may mean you have to say no to drinking altogether. It may mean you have to say no to the relationships that don’t light you up, so that you can say yes to something greater.
Lola: So my practice this month is the way of the no. And maybe if you want to join me, you can join me. What would you be willing to say no to, so you have greater capacity to say yes to something. As I said last week, I’ll say again, I am standing on the planet in this plane of existence, for the generosity of the human spirit, for human beings to feel so excited about giving their financial resources to something that inspires them.
Lola: Likely you don’t need one more outfit if it occurs as an either or. If Bodhi is not your place, go find your place. Because affirmative spaces are needed on the planet, and they don’t happen without people’s willingness to support them generously.