racism Archives - Bodhi

Disrupt Through Discovery: Exploring Your Own Racial Conscious

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My son started his senior year of high school today—crazy! And I am reminded of his heartbreak the first day of his freshman year when he found himself as the only student of color in his honors classes. Today’s message is inspired by a personal statement he wrote titled “The Black Student’s Survival Guide To Advanced Placement Classes.” Read More

Message Monday: Seeing And Feeling IS Healing

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This is really hard for me to write… I am frozen with guilt. I want to avoid, run away and not write this #MessageMonday post because it is so far outside of my comfort zone it makes me sick.

Who am I to write a post inspired by Rev. Lola’s message from Sunday when I’m just starting to wake up to the severe degree of racism that I’ve had the privilege of turning a blind eye to?

I’m paralyzed with not wanting to say the wrong thing, so I’d rather say nothing. I’m scared to hurt or offend my family of color so again, I say nothing at all. I don’t think I matter or can make a big enough change so I don’t do anything. I justify to myself that I don’t have to look at this because I’m a pansexual woman navigating PTSD/depression and actively healing my childhood sexual trauma. I say to myself “I can relate enough to my family of color” and that, “I can be ‘grandfathered’ into the camp of allies and activists because of the work I’ve done on other fronts.”

But the truth is, I don’t want to look at it. I’m scared to feel the pain of my own internalized racism, the pain that my brothers and sisters of color experience. I don’t want to see just how pervasive it is and add one more painful thing on my plate to heal.

But the truth is, I don’t want to look at it. I’m scared to feel the pain of my own internalized racism …

But I have to!

I can’t call myself a Practitioner of Spiritual Principle, a Practitioner of Oneness and not see what is occurring to my family members.

AND this isn’t happening OUT there…this is happening to my nearest and dearest friends.

This morning one of my best friends called me in tears because of the racism she and her daughter experienced, THIS MORNING! Not 100 years ago, not 40 years ago, not 10 years ago…THIS MORNING! How much closer to home does it have to be for me to wake up?!

Tears stream down my face as I write this … looking at and calling out my ignorance.

Tears stream down my face as I write this … looking at and calling out my ignorance.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not fragile. This isn’t a “pity me” or “praise me” for my white guilt.

This is me willing to look, feel and share my process publicly. That, my friend, takes courage, strength and resolve. That is the kind of looking and feeling I’m talking about.

I’m doing it inside of knowing that when I look, healing happens. When there is awareness, a shift in consciousness occurs. When I feel that which I have been previously unwilling to feel, bricks in the wall of separation crumble. For we are One. We are strong. Together we stand.

You are me and I am you.

Today I take Rev. Lola’s challenge to “acknowledge, feel, and listen for what is mine to do” to heart…

Today I see my internalized racism. Today I feel the impact of it. I feel the hurt of my dear sister and what she’s going through. I stand beside her and remind her to slow down and care for herself while she navigates being traumatized in a way I will never know. I listen. I pray for our nation. I pray for my sister. I pray for awakening. I out my process to join in partnership with my spiritual community so that we can #WakeUp together and transform the trauma of this nation – occurring inside each of us. Because #BlackLivesMatter.

How are you practicing Rev. Lola’s challenge? How are you practicing self-care? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experience, insights, questions and/or challenges from Sunday’s message in the comments below.